


Comfort

by Duffydog, Worthagrand (Bizarra)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Episode: s04e04 Nemesis, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 04:19:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19456213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duffydog/pseuds/Duffydog, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bizarra/pseuds/Worthagrand
Summary: From ‘Nemesis’:“I wish it were as easy to stop hating as it was to start.”





	Comfort

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Even after all these years, they’re still Paramount’s, or is it CBS? Whatever. I’m just having a little fun.
> 
> Notes: An episode addition to ‘Nemesis’. Many thanks to vanhunks for the beta and a most timely suggestion, to Camryn for the inspiring photo, and to biz1701 for organizing the Photo Prompt fic fest.
> 
> **Poster's Note: I am posting this for Mary S, who wrote this story, with her permission to do so.

Story written by Mary S.

From ‘Nemesis’:  
 _“I wish it were as easy to stop hating as it was to start.”_

As he finished speaking, Chakotay turned away to stride along the corridor, his shoulders hunched with obvious tension.

Behind him, Janeway hesitated, torn between following him and returning to sickbay where Ambassador Treen still waited. In the end, duty won and she retraced her steps.

The ambassador was most apologetic and said he understood the commander’s reaction perfectly. He had seen a similar response before from other aliens who had undergone the same sort of brainwashing. “The Vori are experts at mind manipulation, Captain, and are quite ruthless. Anyone unfamiliar with their techniques has no chance of resisting them. Please, don’t apologize. I am glad we were able to assist in extracting your crewman from their clutches. In time, he will recover but I should warn you, it won’t be easy.”

“Thank you for your understanding, Ambassador, as well as all your help. Without it, we would not have been able to retrieve our first officer.” She moved toward the door. “We have prevailed upon your time long enough. Neelix, would you be so kind as to escort the ambassador to the transporter room?” She smiled at Treen. “Please excuse me but I must get to the bridge.”

“Of course, Captain, it has been a pleasure to meet you and we were glad to help. We count your commander’s rescue as a victory in this long conflict with our nemesis.”

Janeway continued to smile politely until she was out the door then hurried down the corridor. She needed to check in with the bridge and pick up some PADDs from her ready room before finding Chakotay. Her brow creased with worry and she tapped her fingers impatiently against the bulkhead as she waited for the lift. _Why did the stupid thing always take so long when she was in a hurry?_

On the bridge, she learned the ambassador had departed and Tuvok had things well in hand. He had just ordered the helm to break orbit and set a course once more for the Alpha Quadrant.

Janeway nodded her approval as she headed for her ready room. Now, to find the PADDs she needed….

“Torres to Janeway.”

With a sense of foreboding, she replied. “Janeway here. What is it, B’Elanna? I’m in a bit of a hurry.”

“Sorry, Captain, but we’ve got a problem, several problems in fact. A number of relays have blown suddenly for no reason I can see, and I haven’t got enough people right now to figure out what’s wrong as well as finish the diagnostic we started earlier. Which you ordered.”

“You’re still short-handed?”

“Yes. Half my staff is down with that flu that’s been going around. I could really use some help. Seven is here but she and I can’t do it all.”

She grimaced. Much as she hated to put it off, Chakotay would have to wait. “Very well.”

Torres’ sigh of relief was obvious. “Thanks, Captain, and could you bring Harry with you, please?”

Nodding to Kim to accompany her, she responded. “Of course, B’Elanna, we’re on our way. Janeway out.”

*****  
Several hours passed and beta shift had taken over before the problem with the blown relays was finally solved and replacements installed. 

Dismissing Harry and B’Elanna to the mess hall for a late dinner, she debated whether to accompany them, then decided she should get something to eat before confronting Chakotay.

As a result, nearly an hour had passed by the time she finished her meal and changed into civilian clothes. She didn’t think a uniform would be appropriate under the circumstances. She wanted Chakotay to see her as Kathryn, his friend, not the captain. 

*****  
Kathryn pressed the door chime and waited.

No response.

She pressed it again.

Still nothing.

“Computer, locate Commander Chakotay.”

_“Commander Chakotay is in his quarters.”_

“Is he awake? And alone?”

_“He is both awake and alone.”_

Well. For a moment, she debated whether to bother him when he clearly did not wish to be disturbed but she simply couldn’t let it go. The easy route would be for her to go away but he was her best friend and she wasn’t about to abandon him to his demons. Not without at least trying to help. Whether or not he wanted her.

“Janeway to Chakotay. Please respond.”

For several seconds, there was no reply and then she heard his reply. “Unless it’s an emergency, Kathryn, I don’t want to talk to anyone. Please go away.”

His voice, weary and miserable, was enough to make her ignore his words. He might not want her there but by golly, she was not going to leave him alone now. Her fingers quickly entered the over-ride code, allowing the door to open.

Inside, the room was dark, the only light coming from the streaking stars outside.

At first, she could see nothing but as her eyes adjusted, she could just make out a shape huddled on the couch, which had been turned to face the viewport.

Moving further into the room and allowing the door to close, she stopped and waited for him to acknowledge her but his only response was silence.

 _Enough was enough_ , she decided determinedly. Like it or not, they would discuss this now.

“Chakotay,” she began but got no further.

“Go away. Please, Kathryn, I…just can’t deal with anything right now.”

She stepped up to the back of the couch and found him sitting in the corner, hunched over, staring at his hands. He looked so miserable, so unhappy that her heart went out to him and all the lectures she was about to deliver vanished out the viewport.

Moving around the end, she perched on the arm beside him, then leaned forward to hug him gently. “It’s okay, Chakotay, we’ll just sit here. You don’t have to deal with anything.”

His eyes lifted to her face. “I tried to go on a vision quest,” he told her. “My spirit guide took one look at me and fled. Wouldn’t allow me near her.” He twisted his hands together. “What do I do, Kathryn? How can I get past what I feel for the Kradin? I don’t want to hate them, I don’t want to be the man I was in the Maquis, full of rage and anger. I’ve been happy here on the ship, with all my crewmates, with you. Now it seems I’m right back where I started when we first came to the Delta Quadrant.” His voice lifted in anguish. “I don’t want to be like that anymore. So tell me, what do I do?”

“Oh, Chakotay,” she whispered, her arms tightening around his shoulders. “Come here.” Gently, she pressed his head into her shoulder, cradling him as she might a child. “You’ve always been the strong one, always there for everyone else. Let me be that person for you.” And she gently pressed a kiss on his forehead.

With a heavy sigh, he wrapped his arms around her waist and closed his eyes.

For uncounted minutes, they sat silently, her arms wound tightly around him. Eventually, she began to speak. “You are a good man, Chakotay, kind and gentle. _Those_ qualities define you, not hatred and anger. You mustn’t blame yourself for hating the Kradin. Those people, the Vori, are masters at manipulation, they could make you believe anything. And they did. But you came back to us, you came back because those qualities, the good ones, overcame the hatred; they let you recognize Tuvok for who he was, a friend. A friend who wanted to help you, to free you from the hatred and bring you home. It will take time, and a lot of love, but you will recover and be the man you want to be, that you can be, again.”

He looked up at her, his gaze quizzical. “Do you love me, Kathryn?”

She smiled gently. “Oh, Chakotay, of course I do. Just as I know you love me. We may not be able to do anything about it here on the ship but never doubt that I love you. And maybe someday, when we get home, we _will_ be able to do something about it.”

His face broke into a smile. “I hope so, Kathryn, I want that more than anything else.”

On impulse, she bent and kissed him softly. “I do, too, and that’s a promise.”

For a moment longer, they stayed motionless before he moved back and got to his feet. Reaching for her hand, he tugged her to her feet. “I’m hungry. Have you had dinner yet?”

“I have but I’ll gladly go with you to the mess hall. I can always use another cup of coffee.”

As they walked out the door, her arm tucked into his, he remarked, “You know, you drink too much of that stuff, Kathryn.”

She pushed at him gently. “Now don’t you start nagging again. I get enough of that from the doctor.”

*****  
Sitting in the mess hall a little while later, sipping her coffee as Chakotay devoured a meal, Kathryn couldn’t help thinking that as much as she might hope he was himself again, in fact, he had a long way to go before he could be considered fully recovered. Brainwashing was an insidious process that could cripple a person for years, despite every effort to eradicate its effect.

As her gaze rested on his face, he glanced up then paused in the act of raising his fork.

“What?” he asked.

But she shook her head. “Nothing,” she answered softly. No point in worrying him unduly now when he was feeling better. Let him enjoy his dinner while he could. Reality would hit soon enough. “Nothing at all.”


End file.
